Sorry for the lack of posting lately. Life has just been pretty dull of late. Not in a bad way, I just don't have entertaining stories to tell. My friend K- posted about her family adventure in trying to open a coconut. S- could tell you about adventures in sewing with rick-rack. I have been sitting at home re-watching both seasons of _Sports Night_, the greatest show on television. I am not about to talk football right now. I suppose I can tell you about my attempt to give blood the other day...

I have O-, so the Red Cross calls me a lot and I am pretty passionate about the importance of donating. So, my friend B- and I went to a blood drive the other day pretty pumped about giving. Get it? Pumped?...Aaaanyway, B- got through the Q&A session, gave her blood and was sitting at the cookie table before they had even figured out that I'm not eligible to give for 12 months because I might have malaria from being in the Philippines. Sweet. They, of course, figured this out after pricking TWO fingers to get a good hemocrit result. Lesson learned. From now on I will discuss my jet-setting right off the bat. Soooo...since I can't give blood, I figured I'd give you the reasons you should:

10. The Red Cross people are really nice and sometimes they'll flirt with you a little. Especially if you are O-. They really think O-s are hot.

9. You always wanted a way to lose weight will sitting on your butt.

8. Neon is so hot right now which means the bandage (which you may be able to color coordinate to your outfit) is this season's must-have accessory.

7. Said bandage will get you attention for the rest of the day. "What's that bandage for?" "Oh, nothing. I just gave blood." "Wow. You are cool.".

6. Vampires. I have to believe that the most likely place for me to meet a Cullen is a blood drive.

5. Free cookies and fruit punch. 'Nuf said.

4. It gives you a good excuse to feel faint and swoon a bit. Swooning seems like a very leisahly thing to do.

3. You are instructed to eat well for the rest of the day. As if I needed to be told to eat well, but sometimes it's nice to have an excuse to pig out. Plus you've lost all that weight, so you're good.

2. You're also instructed to take it easy and not do too much physical activity for the rest of the day. Again, like I need a reason to skip the gym, but I'll take it.

1. You can save 3 lives.

I'm pretty bummed that I won't be able to give until next summer, but I hope some of you readers will step up in my absence. Giving blood is cool.

Fondest regards,

The Lady

A girl can dream...

Today The Kid said, "When I get married my husband's going to bring me presents and I'm going to dress like a princess every day." Maybe we've been spending too much time around each other...

Fondest regards,

The Lady

God is a Bulldog. ~Lewis Grizzard

It's upon us folks. We've counted down the days, spent sleepless nights researching and planning, and we've purchased the outfits. That's right. It all comes down to this...

FOOTBALL SEASON!!!

If summer insists upon turning into fall and ushering us into the season of death, decay, and basketball that is winter, there's really only one way to do it and that is by filling every Saturday with NCAA football. Nay, SEC football. There are people out there (even among the few readers of this blog but I don't want to single out said aunt and sister) that have, shall we say, less than stellar taste in regards to which team to root for and which colors to wear*; however, I think we can all agree that the SEC knows how football is done. Why? Glad you asked:

1. It's in The South. That means tailgates run by Ladies of Leisure. None of the "let's just grill a brat" crap you find up north. No, we are talking about 12 hours of noshing on enough food to feed a small country while we sit around watching football.

2. The clothes. No t-shirts and jeans here (well, except the cut-off ones in Florida, but we're not counting those). Red and Black ensembles and accessories for the ladies. Seersucker and bowties for the men who aren't in Silver Britches. Everyone dressed to the nines and nobody wearing the same thing twice.

3. The football. It's just better.

It may well be a rough season (goodness knows it's no fun losing to the evil genius), but even if we lose every game, I will wake up every Saturday morning to the sound of "Glory, Glory" blaring from someone's tailgate and pray the prayer that Lewis Grizzard taught us to pray saying, "Thank you Lord for three things: Fried chicken, potato salad, and the privilege of being a Bulldog, and, Dear Lord, bless all those not as fortunate as I."**

Fondest regards,

The Lady

*Before my first football game, a true Lady of Leisure approached me and said, "Sugah, Southahn ladies do not weyah ahrange or gold," and I've kept those wise words close to my heart ever since.

**http://theantiorangepage.com/pages/20

If you give a mouse a cookie...she'll probably ask for your credit card...

I have a new addiction, friends. It's bedding. And I have come to the conclusion that heroin would be cheaper. After growing tired of the 3 year old $30 Target bedspread, I decided to go shopping for a more grown-up look, something not from the college dorm collection, if you will. Upon looking around, I remembered why I went with dorm-room chic in the first place...cheapness. I bit the bullet, however, and went with a lovely light grey duvet. Said bullet, by the way, is much easier to bite with my friend B- telling me, "Go for it. It's an investment." Her husband J- would probably say that it serves me right for all the times I've uttered the words, "Oh, you'll definitely wear that."

With the bedspread purchased, enter problem two. When you get grey bedding, you need something to liven it up. Obviously you have to go get decorative pillows, duh. Purple velvet ones (side note/question: how much purple velvet is too much purple velvet?). I have decided that I need to learn how to sew so that I can make shams. Someone is making a killing off of the Euro sham trend.

Needless to say, my bed looks amazing at the moment. Would you expect anything less? Every Lady of Leisure needs a fabulously luxurious place to rest at night...and for her afternoon nap. Besides, C- is coming this weekend which means the guest bed has to be in top form. My bank account will recover. If not, I suppose I could always rent my room out for football weekends!

Sweet dreams,

The Lady

You know those days that suck so much that all you can do is laugh about it? Yeah, and it's only 1:30.

7:30 -- Wake up pumped and ready for a great day. Start shower and wait for the water to get warm.

7:35 -- Wonder why the water still isn't warm. Jump in the shower anyway. Not cool...well cool, but not...you know what I mean.

7:45 -- Put on adorable outfit and threaten Monday via Facebook. Still maintaining awesome, pumped up attitude.

Blah, blah, blah productive morning at work despite cold shower. Feeling bad for my friend C- who's car broke down. Sucks to be her.

11:00 -- Head out to my new UMW Circle Bible Study with a smile on my face. Ready to make new friends!

11:05 -- Back into someone driving through the church parking lot. He says we don't need to call the police, but I did anyway. Insurance. Apologies. It's all pretty familiar to me at this point.* There's no damage to Help-Me-Honda and a little damage to his car.

11:30 -- Call C- and we share stories. Decide C- has it worse.

11:45 -- Arrive fashionably late to UMW meeting. Hug lots of people. Eat Marti's pimento cheese which makes everything better.

Blah, blah, blah. Still super excited about the new Bible Study. Probably will write more about that on a better day. Let me leave you with this regarding my new friends, the woman who hosted it has a copy of Etiquette. I think we're soul mates.

1:00 -- Leave UMW feeling really good. Give sympathetic smile to new friend who needs her car jumped. I know, honey, I've been there. Look down at aforementioned adorable outfit and realize I have forgotten an important element. Not to give too much information, but I think I may know why the guy I hit was so nice and didn't mind if we left the police out of it. Also, all those hugs I gave my new friends are flashing back in my mind. Who the heck forgets that article of clothing?!?!?! Earrings, maybe, zip up fly, sure but not that.

1:10 -- Call C- again who also wonders how I could forget such a thing. Decide we need umm...chocolate milk tonight. Lots and lots of umm...chocolate milk.

1:25 -- Open freezer and realize magic ice cream dispenser still has not appeared.

1:27 -- Finish getting dressed and call coworker to make sure the lack of support wasn't too noticeable (it wasn't. Thanks mom genes!).

It's 1:40 now, so I still have a whole afternoon and evening ahead of me. My spirits (along with everything else!) have been lifted, and I will conquer this day yet! Tomorrow, the girls and I go to The Sound of Music at the Fabulous Fox. I promise you'll hear about it.

Fondest regards,

The Lady

*The reason post-accident protocol is so old hat is because I have been hit so many times and not because I have caused a lot of accidents. This would be the first. Maybe if people were more environmentally responsible I would be able to see around their cars. Not that that's an excuse.

I must apologize for my tardiness on this blog, patient readers. I know you have anxiously anticipated the reveal of my purpose in life. I'm sincerely sorry for all the sleepless nights you must have had. The wait is over. Here it is: planning tea parties.

How did I stumble across this, my raison d'etre, you ask? For my friend B's birthday, her husband came up with a brilliant plan for our little group of friends to read her favorite book, Persuasion, and then discuss it at a tea party in one of the campus gardens. I know what you are thinking and, yes, he is super sweet. It makes me wish I could marry my gay best friend, too. Here's the thing about boys planning tea parties...they really don't. It shouldn't have surprised me when he called to ask how the girls were planning to decorate. Decorate?! I just committed to cupcakes! My frustration was soon laid to rest, however, when I discovered how wonderful it is to make tea party hats, put together decorations, and basically dream up the girliest party ever. When I realize my dream of becoming an LoL, this is what I will do (when I'm not tending my hydrangeas).

The party was a huge success (even with the rain which only added to the British charm). Even the guys had fun, though I'm sure they won't admit to it. They all participated in the book discussion (I'm pretty sure one or two of them shed a tear reading Capt. Wentworth's letter to Anne), and I have my suspicions that they even appreciated the uber-girly presentation. Bottom line, we all love B a whole lot and I would've planned a zombie party if she wanted it, but I'm really glad this is what we came up with!

Time for children to go back to school. When I was a kid, the idea of year-round school seemed like cruel and unusual punishment conceived in the minds of the most evil of child-hating adults. Now it seems slightly more appealing. As an aspiring LOL, I can appreciate the need to have a few months free to sleep in every day, lounge by the pool, and summer at the seaside; however, I have noticed in recent years that, by the end of July, Summer vacation has evolved into complete and total anarchy.

Camps are over for the summer, so the kid is with me from 9-5 for a couple of weeks. We've almost made it through this week, and we've had a lot of fun. Next week seems do-able, but I definitely have a new appreciation for my mother. Keeping a 7 year old occupied all day, every day is a near herculean task and definitely NOT leaisahly. Not to mention we have the additional challenge of 115 degree heat index. It's WAY too hot to go outside...even to the pool. Here's what we've done:

Gone to the scary Cabbage Patch hospital

Gone to the children's museum

Read for hours and hours

Watched movies

Been to the dentist -- Though I'm not sure why as she currently has no teeth

Hit up the library

Argued about practicing piano

Played by ourselves

My entertainment arsenal still includes a trip to the dairy, homemade playdough, and a few playdates. I think I can handle 6 more days, but what I really want to know is why in the world don't all parents ship their kids off to summer camp as soon school lets out?

Fondest regards,

The (well caffeinated) Lady

PS -- I have stumbled upon my purpose in life, but I cannot share it yet. More posts (and pictures!) to come!!!