"It is unreasonable to expect children to sit quietly for hours on end..." ~"Traveling at home and abroad" 1922 ed.

My mother wants grandchildren. This is something that I am admittedly dragging my feet on (only partly due to circumstance). I'm sure children are lovely and husbands are charming; however, I'm not entirely convinced they will fit into my (eventually to be) leisurely lifestyle. From what I can tell, they pick their noses and scratch their butts and then they get upset when you don't want to hold their hands. They expect you to clean up after them, take care of them and make them the center of your universe. And then there are the children. Those adorable tykes do all of the above and then want you to drive them around. I'm told it's all worth it. Obviously I've been pretty skeptical about the benefits of the whole husband/children combo...until this week.

Congratulations Mom! I have finally discovered the perks of a family and may seriously begin thinking about considering buying into the whole hype at some point in the future. Here are the benefits to procreation as I can tell from this weeks events:

1. Tax deduction. I did find that I qualify for low income tax filing, but I think that "check for dependents" box gets you a few more bucks on the return. Frankly, I think I should get a bigger deduction for leaving a smaller carbon footprint.

2. The ability to look at single/childless people with "the head tilt" and say things like, "You'd understand if you had kids," and, "I just don't have the time. I have a family." It's like having a tax deductible, get out of jail free card!

3. Free labor. My friend's kid loves to play a game called "Cinderella." This consists of Mommy bossing her around in a mean voice while the kid sweeps the floor, does the dishes, dusts, etc. The kid actually asks to play this game.

4. Children are the only people who can finagle candy free candy out of the neighbors on Halloween. Obviously, this will be covertly confiscated one piece at a time and all of the chocolate will look a little too suspicious for them to eat.

5. I get to try and make someone as sarcastic as I am.

*Keep in mind that this could all change as soon as I figure out how many pairs of Manolos can be purchased with the money I'd save not having to pay for dance/soccer/football lessons.*

Fondest regards,

The Lady

Is this Heaven? No, it's the Botanical Gardens

Occasionally, I have days when I just feel I need a little leisah practice. This need to hone my skills occurs most frequently at the beginning of spring when the flowers are starting to bloom and the temperature is a lovely 65-70ish degrees...perfect garden weather! So, the other day when I didn't have to babysit (beautiful start to a leisurely day), I called my friend H-- and we went to the Botanical Garden for lunch. It's a good thing, too, because H-- had...brace yourselves...NEVER been to the Botanical Gardens. How are we friends, you ask? I'm not sure, but it's certainly easier now that she knows Botanical Garden bliss.

Now, there are a few things that I feel are quintessential to the LoL lifestyle, particularly in the south (eg. tea, flowers, complaining about men, etc.), and the best thing about the Gardens is that you can find a good many of them right there. First, when you walk into the Cafe, there are no patrons under the age of about 135. This is a sign of an excellent Southern restaurant. When you go to a Thai place, you want to go where there are Thai people who look like they enjoy it. Likewise, at a Southern place, you want to go where there are loads of old Southern folk because there is wisdom in age. Next, I ate tomato soup and chicken salad on a croissant and washed it down with some tea (if you are unaware that the simple word "tea" describes a sweet beverage served on ice, stop reading. We're not friends). Something about the tomato soup, chicken salad, and tea combo makes me feel like I'm sitting at a Junior League luncheon or something. Don't ask me why. I don't need to explain my fantasies to you.

After lunch we took a stroll in the gardens. This is not only good for the digestion, but provides a lovely setting for our weekly chats which inevitably turn to complaining about boys...always fun. The daffodils are in full bloom, other bulbs are beginning to make appearances, and the drought's over, so the floral exploration is enhanced by the lovely soundtrack of working fountains. If all of this doesn't sound delightful enough, we stopped by the...wait for it...Camellias before calling it an afternoon. Camellias are beautiful, oh so Southern, and the perfect way to end a perfect LoL practice session. Back to work.

Fondest regards,

The Lady

If you're going to eat just the cheese, at least put it in a bowl. Containers do NOT belong on the table!

There isn't a whole lot I miss about metro Atlanta because, let's face it, Athens is amazing. We have sports, arts, food, basically all the benefits of the city minus the ridiculous traffic. There are a few things I miss about the 'burbs, though. For example, Jcrew, DSW, and a decent Macy's. On the other hand, it definitely saves me money to no longer have these luxuries between the office and home. Besides, they're not too far away and there's always online shopping. However, The Classic City has one major shortcoming. There is a giant, massive, gaping hole that can only be filled by that brilliant gem of a market, Trader Joe's should be.

Here's the thing about Joe's, it's got cheap, quality prepared meals packaged in portions for 1 or 2 people. Genius, right?! Here's how dinner went tonight (and usually goes):

1.Heat up sauce and meat (or leftover soy crumbles in this case) and put pasta in to boil.

2. Throw some ricotta in there. I'm pretty sure ricotta is made of little bits of heaven, so I proceeded to eat spoonfuls of it straight out of the tub.

3. Sample sauce straight out of the sauce-pan while the noodles cook.

4. Combine sauce and pasta and put the majority of it into a tupperware to eat for every meal between now and the end of time because it's near impossible to make a single serving of anything.

Cooking for myself is great in that I don't have to share the kitchen, and then I can eat it straight out of the pan (which I probably will not wash until the next day). The downside is that I have leftovers coming out of my freaking ears every time I cook! My pantry and fridge

fridge are filled with tupperwares of prepared foods and cartons half-full of ingredients that I will eventually have to toss.

There seems to be no remedy as I don't really like most prepared meals (I don't even own a microwave, anyway) and eating out for every meal is not financially feasible (I've tried). Trader Joe's offered healthy(ish), organic foods that I could polish off in one sitting. I suppose until we get one, you can find me on the couch with a spoon and a tub of ricotta! In the meantime, come on over for dinner. There's plenty to go around.

Fondest regards,

The Lady

The American Dream

Blogging. Even the name sounds completely dorky, so why the heck am I doing this? I'm totally that kid who makes fun of people for starting blogs. I mean, does anybody really care about your clueless but well-intentioned husband's forays in the kitchen or your adorable prodigy of a child learning to pick his nose? Unless you married Ray Romano, probs no. So as not to offend everyone, people do occasionally start blogs for legit reasons (i.e. moving to an exotic land or sharing the adventure of a NYR...you know who you are). Admittedly, I should be placed in the former group and you should probably stop reading now.

However, every aspiring Lady of Leisure needs a plan to reach her goal. I'm assuming this blog will attract millions of followers, pique the attention of a big time publisher, and ultimately result in a New York Times best-seller that will earn yours truly enough cash to retire to a quaint little antebellum plantation house (complete with jasmine covered wraparound porch) where I can grow hydrangeas in peace. Modest dreams, I know. In the meantime, I hope my life of adventure and glam will provide you with a few laughs. It certainly makes me laugh all the time. Here are my only disclaimers:

1. Any similarities between you and the characters in this blog are purely intentional. If we can't laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at? However, I will not reveal identities.

2. Occasionally, I have been known to say what I think without regard for others. I have a special talent for putting my foot in my mouth. I love, love, love my family, friends, and all the precious little dears I work with every day and would never intentionally hurt anyone. If your feelings get hurt, please tell me an we'll fix it. On the other hand, if your feelings get hurt easily, I'm not sure how we're still friends...

3. You probably won't agree with everything I say. I don't really care. 90% of what I say shouldn't be taken seriously anyhow.

Okay, now that that's out of the way, happy reading. Or ignoring. I don't really care.

Fondest regards,

The Lady